games

every once and a while, i'll have an experience, conversation, interaction that is so deeply unsettling for me that it sticks to me for days like an awful stench everywhere i go. and it's still there when i wake up each morning. it's troubling. at yoga the other day, when i was supposed to be lying on the floor quieting my mind, my thoughts were consumed my a currently ongoing situation of someone i know. which is disappointing. it's totally a boundaries thing between me and others involved. there's a difference between sharing your burdens and SHARING your burdens. it reminds me of a drowning person who sees the lifeguard as some kind of floatation device and ends up climbing on top of said lifeguard and drowning them in the process. no doubt i'm part of the problem, being burdened by another person's troubles when i shouldn't. but sometimes other people just try to spread their crap around as much as possible so it's not just on them. currently, it's reaching the point that the person is simply deflecting every encouraging word and empowering action i offer in my attempt to establish boundaries. when a person isn't willing to help themselves than i really can't help them either. i'm not offering her what she wants, and i'm not willing to offer what she does want. so i think we're at an impasse.

when i was a teenager, my friends and i used to write each other these long long letters. along with these letters certain friends would write out the lyrics of songs. i'm not exactly sure why, because reading songs isn't really that fun. one printed me out the lyrics of the soul asylum song 'misery'. my mom was never a snooper, she felt she could stumble across something she didn't want to know, but she did somehow come across these lyrics. i think i left them out in the dining room. anyways, she was deeply concerned about me. i knew at the time that it wasn't a big deal - i didn't print out those lyrics and i definitely didn't write them (maybe she thought i did). and even if i did, it seems like healthy way of dealing with inner turmoil.  i've heard of other parents freaking out over printed lyrics as well, which is probably just a misunderstanding or question of looking at the wrong clues. i think this is a two-fold issue. 1) my mom likes songs that are literal and make sense. for example, she prefers the earlier beatles stuff over their later stuff. 2) i don't think my mom knew about or understood teen angst. this is kind of funny/odd to me, because teen angst and melodrama is a defining part of those teen years, i don't really know how one wouldn't know about that. i wonder if teen angst bypasses certain people.

do car tires become slightly flatter in cold weather? because at least one of my tires is looking a bit low and i don't know why.

they're setting fire to the oceans.