grieving the goat

now that the goat is closed, I've been spending a lot of time over the last few days feeling a mix of anger and sadness. I think the anger has often lessened my feelings of sadness, but ultimately I'm angry because I'm sad. sometimes I find myself just sitting staring, thinking about the goat. I feel like I'm grieving a friend. in a way, I feel silly about it, but like many other people, the goat was a significant place for me.

brendan and I went out for indian food the other night and left eamon with his nana and papa. we spent much of our time reminiscing about the goat. on our first/accidental date, we ended up at the goat. I remember distinctly sitting across from him and talking, feeling like that level of eye contact was making me surprisingly uncomfortable because it was so intimate.

but in addition to Brendan, I had loads of meaningful experiences with friends there. I had my first friendship date with rach there, and that's where jill and I started planning our trip to peru. I bumped into jonni revell there and he helped me exchange some boots at A-1 clothing after I bought the wrong size (and it was a final sale). I bumped into the erbs when they were out while the girls were on a playdate. it was one of our first real conversations and it was really deep and meaningful. I bumped into bren while she was out with her friend amy. on one of beckie's visits to kingston, we went there twice in one day. I remember being there with shanno celebrating andrew's birthday and seeing a drawing on the wall that looked exactly like Brendan (this was before we were dating) and she told me "all the girls who work at the goat have a crush on Brendan".

the goat was a significant coming of age space for me. melinda and I used to go there as teenagers, but then stopped for a number of years (we didn't really know why, we just didn't), but then we started going there again in our early 20s, and it suddenly became our go-to place. I loved that it was everyone else's go-to place, and chances were high that I'd bump into someone I know there.

on Saturday, I passed by when they were selling all their wares. it was super depressing. the garage door was open and I could smell it. I could smell the goat and it was right there, but it wasn't. I'm angry. I feel like we've been robbed. I wish this hadn't happened.