subordinate

OH FOR PETE'S SAKE I'M SO SICK OF BEING MEDIOCRE!! @#%&

seriously, i'm so frustrated with myself. why can't i be good at something, i'm always just so bush-league, and it's really upsetting. i'm getting so tired of getting my ass kicked by everyone!

i finished my tea cozy. it looks awesome, i literary jumped around and squealed at how great it turned out. until... i got it home and discovered it's too tight. it doesn't fit properly on my tea pot. which defeats the purposes and i'm so frustrated!! oh.... (5 minutes later) i just stretched it out and apparently it's fine. alrighty, false alarm. regardless though, i do lament my mediocrity. please don't take this as a plea for compliments, because sometimes it makes it worse when people say "what are you talking about, you're a great knitter" when i know in truth i'm just average and a little sloppy. rachel tells me that mennonite's always include a flaw in their quilts as a reminder that we as humans are flawed. that's kind of refreshing. however, i don't do it on purpose.

here's a picture of me and koe-koe examining
my petit cozy and my medium size pot.

you know, what he said actually offended me to my very core. i can't believe anyone could be so unbelievably ignorant. like, how does he live in THE WORLD being that narrow-minded. nothing is black & white. it took all that is within me to not crawl across the table and shake him. it made me want to email d to tell him i love him just the way he is, but i know that would be suspicious, and i didn't want to explain it. i don't want to burden him with that crap.

i used to be that narrow-minded, until the facts of life pelted me and i developed a new vantage point. it's kind of nice, it's like i've been thru the fire, got a little banged up, but am now formed into something new and better.

for once i want to be the car crash,
not always just the traffic jam.