esquire

wha-oh. SOMEBODY's a night-owl and is starting to wake up. but alas, i need to finish this entry then get ready for bed.

i've concluded something about myself. i'm a bit of a social flirt. i'm sure we've all met those guys (or girls) who are very flirtatious and accidentally mislead us into thinking there's a mutual attraction going on. WELL, i think i'm kind of like that but socially instead of romantically. i'm a friendly person who has genuine interest in pretty much everyone i know. i could probe just about anyone with questions about their lives and families for hours. however, this can/has given people the impression that i'd like to be their friends. which is a shame really and i feel terrible about it. like the poor guy (or girl) who gets labeled as a jerk because he's unintentionally lead someone on. i like people and i enjoy making new friends, i just need to make more of an effort to keep up my older/long-standing friendships and not let them fall to the wayside in exchange of new friends.

sometimes it feels like she's an anti-semitic jew. she's the equivalent of someone who hates her own race. it leaves me speechless.

i've been thinking a lot about the subconscious lately. partly because i'm trying to decipher what my heart is ACTUALLY telling me and partly because i've been amazed at the kind of stuff that's appearing in my dreams. yesterday i heard a story on the cbc, then dreamt about it all night long. i don't think i realized at the time what an impact it had had on me. i wonder what my subconscious would be like if it was completely, 100% undiluted by the things around me. how would i feel about life issues, world issues, the new unisex bathrooms at the goat, without pre-imposed opinions of others. i suppose i'll never truly know, but maybe i should focus more of my time on composting the waste in my brain and discovering what's left.

they all get put in little boxes,
and they all come out the same.