galore

i really like yoga class. which kind of surprises me a little because i'm not a very flexible person and i'm not very graceful either. BUT when i'm do yoga i feel very fluid. i almost feel like my body is made for yoga. and perhaps my temperament too, because i like how slow paced it is. i like how there are long periods of time when we get to stand there bent over with our arms, torso and head just dangling. it feels really neat. i find people in classes very unfriendly. if they talk it's only with their friends. it's too bad really because on tv and movies i always got the impression that people make friends at aerobic classes or art classes. maybe it's a generational thing, or maybe just an age thing. it seems the older people get the more outspoken they are with strangers. maybe when i'm a life model in my late 60s i'll meet all sorts of people. i've started thinking about joining a book club. i don't know if i could fit one into my life even if i knew of one to join, so instead it'll be one of those things i tuck into the recesses of my mind for down thr road. i'd also like to volunteer at the library. ANYWAYS... back to the yoga topic. i wore my lululemon pants tonight. i felt swanky. and when i walked down the hall afterwards i felt super sexy. i think yoga will help improve my posture. this is good.

i like that after over 29 years i'm still capable of surprising my mom. i surprises myself sometimes too. i think that's excellent.

i wonder when that distinct dread will kick in. that feeling that often sweeps over me after the reality of what i've done sinks in. maybe it won't. after all, i'm straight as an arrow. blunt as a cigar. i think i did it because i was scared to, and sometimes it's necessary to do something for no other reason but because it's scary.

we used to really like this song. we'd listen to it repeatedly. it brings a lot back. i've concluded that i'm not a comfort-food person, but instead i'm a comfort-music person. beckie told me that some of my best friends are songs.

nothing other than a sick desire for self-abuse.