1lb mister

since before i got pregnant, i'd concluded that i wanted a girl next. i'd given it a lot of thought, and had concluded it was the best scenario for our family. so, not surprisingly, during the first half of my pregnancy, i was pretty convinced it was a girl. my instincts were right with every one of joy's pregnancies, so i have a good track record.

yesterday, we went for our ultrasound, and found that we're having a boy :) it was kind of not surprising, because when they were measuring his legs, there did seem to be a bit of a bulge there, but the technicians didn't say anything until the very end. that said, i was surprised that my instincts were wrong, but i did wonder all along if my preferences were clouding my judgement.

i didn't feel sad that our baby is a boy. but i did feel sad that it means that we'll never have a girl, since we're only planning on have two kids (and we're very firm on that). when we got home, we made the rounds of calling our family and emailed a few friends. but later, on our way to a dinner out to celebrate, i felt really emotional – i cried in the car and puked in the parking lot. the thought of two sons is overwhelming, and i don't think i have the energy or know-how to meet them where they're at. i feel scared about how to properly navigate boy issues, and i worry that as grown men they won't confide in me the way a daughter is more likely to. 

interestingly enough, my desire to have a daughter is a relatively new thing – only really surfaced in the last year or so. i've actually written blog entries in the past about why i want to have sons some day. i know there are plenty of great things about having sons, and perhaps with a little intentionality and a little "luck" the concerns i have won't really be an issue. i suppose it's often the stuff we don't expect to be an issue in life that blindsides us.

i'm feeling much more encouraged about the thought of two sons. i'm beyond delighted for them that they'll have each other, and i hope to really help foster a loving bond between them. and truth be told, i've always been more into boy stuff (minus sports) than girl stuff (was never into princesses, pink, etc). so i'm probably better suited to raising sons. plus, i read this interesting article yesterday on babble.com called "boys will be boys until we teach them to be more", which really makes me feel empowered as a parent that i don't just have to let them be hooligans.

probably the best thing is that within 24 hours we went from not having a clue about a name, to identifying and agreeing on a full name (first and middle names). so that's exciting.

i'm really glad we found out the sex. i wouldn't want to feel grief over never having a daughter when i'm meeting my son for the first time. which is in approximately 19 weeks! i'm looking forward to it :)