I'm super grateful that I was able to connect with several different friends last week. it really helps me feel more like myself, and like life is more interesting :)
I suppose life is kinetic, and we have to expect that as it changes and situations evolve that it will take time to adjust. my latest adjustment is changes in eamon. after nearly 3 months of morning sickness, he got used to having brendan do a lot of the hands-on parenting stuff. and now that I'm more able, he expresses a firm preference for daddy taking care of him. if I offer to brush his teeth or read him books, he'll say "no! daddy". for a while there I just went a long with it, but now it's starting to bother me. it's making me question myself and his value of me. and perhaps the thing that surprises and troubles me about this is that I take it personally, and feel like withdrawing from him. this is definitely a pattern of mine in life. when I feel undervalued or un-enjoyed, I will withdraw from those involved before i'm excluded further or hurt. BUT I can't withdraw from my kid, nor do I want to. so now is the time for me to learn some maturity and how to navigate relationships changes in a healthy and productive way. I didn't actually expect to experience this with my toddler, but its a relationship, so I suppose it makes sense.
I think what i'll do is join in his bedtime routine so he gets used to my involvement there again, then eventually Brendan and I can take turns.
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