i DID write an entry last night but then my firefox froze and i lost it all. so i went to bed.
i don't know where to start, but basically i've been having a bit of a identity crisis over the last few days. wonder what the heck i'm doing with my life. wondering if i could be doing more. feeling guilty for the decisions i make that result in comfy living. i got a great pep talk from sarah last night, but i was still feeling kind of lost. but then the most incredible thing happened... i went to church today and a number of events compounded together to make it all make sense again.
rachel spoke on waiting. being joyful and hopeful as we wait. she quoted emily dickenson saying hope is the bird who sings the tune even when it doesn't know the words. i don't know the words, but i won't let that stop me from enjoying singing. i also struck up conversation with a number of people i didn't know, and i remembered how much i love that. i love helping people who are disconnected become infused in community. maybe it won't make a difference at all, but you just never know when taking an interest in someone will make a world of difference to them.
i've got to stop comparing my accomplishments to other peoples. i DO know who i am, i just don't know where i'm going.
my book has provoked much thought in me. it got me thinking about love, it claims "love is not blindness. love is hallucination". it makes you see things that aren't there. i'm not completely convinced of that, i propose it makes you seen things no one else can see.
hurt is seeing your ex-bestfriend in indigo and quickly sneaking out of there before you find yourself face to face with him. there was nothing to say. irony is the fact that i haven't seen him in months and months. i'm disappointed that its come to this.
i dreamt about christmas last night. it put me in a christmasy mood. i feel my holidays approaching, i feel relaxed already. i feel at peace. its ok once again.
i wish i had some baked-goods.
i've stood here before inside the pouring rain,
with the world turning circles running 'round my brain.
6 comments:
baking is comfort.
let's bake this week sometime.
well i'm personally not a huge baker. i prefer cleaning up afterwards. but i'd love to spend some time supervising your mix-master ;)
hmm.. you ENJOY the cleaning up? moy dear, i think somebody dropped you on your head. it is always better to create than destroy. that's why I'm so messy.
we would be a good kitchen team... i cook, you clean.
yes, that's exactly it. i don't know why really, but i do prefer doing dishes. we would be a good team :) can't wait til you're home. only 2 weeks and 2 day!!!!
I don't mean to imply you're odd, but I think you'd make a good kitchen team with just about anyone! I've never heard of another soul who PREFERS cleanup.
rachel... are you implying that i'm odd??? ;)
ya, you're probably right. the number of bakers and the chefs out number the clean-uppers.
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