i've been feeling ill and tired most of the evening. i just realized i've been napping on the couch for the last hour so i might as well just go to bed.
i have a lot on my mind lately. i've been spending the last few weeks watching a loved one watching her loved one dying. everyone has been very kind and supportive to her, but i'm afraid people often miss the mark with their good intentions. so many people have told her "if you need anything don't hestitate to call". that is very kind, but it isn't good enough. people who are grieving, depressed or suicidal just don't have it in them to take that step, even when its been offered.
i've been feeling slightly clausterphobic lately. when i feel that my whole life is my cube i feel suffocated. this is my brain telling me "you've got to get out more". or at least have people in more. but then i feel tired all evening and just don't have any energy. maybe i really am sick. i suppose feeling that way triggers familar feelings of a time i don't want to return to. and that's why i get scared.
knickers told me to not let that rude lady get to me and not take it personally. but how can i not take it personally?!?! being a graphic designer is a part of who i am! i don't want to become calloused. i don't want to loose my passion for my work. and if that means getting my feelings hurt from time to time that's fine.
frank dislocated his shoulder this afternoon in his office. he came out to my cube holding his arm asking for my help. we managed to get it back in, then i put his arm in a sling. it made for an interesting 5 minutes.
its 8:45 and i'm going to finish drinking this neocitran then get into bed.
are you still growing wild
with everything tame around you?
3 comments:
how did he dislocate his shoulder in his office?? was he doing flips off his desk?
part of the problem when people are hurting is it's hard to know what they need. especially when the person themself doesn't know what they need.
when i was in the hospital after having james i had a friend who came in every day (she worked at the hospital at the time) and asked me what she could get me. it made me think. what do I need? I was so upset I had only brought 1 hairband and lost it and i had to be in the hospital for a week with only rare opportunities for a shower because a nurse had to come with me because i still had problems standing.
man, this turned into a long comment.
he was stretching!
i don't think we need to identify the problem, we simply need to call them at random moments or invite them over for a meal instead of waiting for them to call us. you never know when a random call is made at the right time.
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