i heard recently that men feel very much unneeded in today's world. women can do pretty much everything without them, and that makes them feel obsolete. that really makes me sad to hear. i knew that before, but it's truly a shame. i can't speak for everyone, but i am a woman who had to learn to do everything herself from a very young age, because there was no one to help me. my dad left when i was ten, and from that point on i had to take care of my mom and our home. the other day frank was telling me that he spent an entire evening at his grown-son's house replacing a valve in a toilet. my immediate reaction was "why didn't mark just do it himself?" but then it occurred to me that frank was willing and able to do it, therefore his son never needed to learn. honestly it does hurt me that i was left to fend for myself, but what bothers me more is that because of it i don't expect people to be helpful. the other day i was in the grocery store struggling to reach some crackers that were on the top shelf. i'm not a particularly tall person, i'm on the closer side of short. i jumped, i stretched, i jumped AND stretched. meanwhile a young guy around my age walked right past me. i noticed. i noticed that he walked by without assisting me. i think that motivated me more, so i stood on the lowest shelf and made one last ditch effort, and managed to knock one over within my reach. after i grabbed it, i noticed that the guy turned back, then said with a bit of a smile "oh... do you need help with that?" "no thanks, i got it" i said. argh! why didn't he offer BEFORE?!?! it's a vicious cycle. women do for themselves because they have to, men don't help because they're not needed. i've been told by several people that i'm very independent and most likely intimidating. just because i'm not needy doesn't mean i don't need.
i have a love-hate relationship with my cubicle. i love it because it's mine. i've decorated it. i've personalized it. it's my little 8x8 blue cube. i love that it's blue instead of beige. i love that everything is set up by me for me. very meticulously. it's sometimes messy. it's messy right now. it's not unlike my home. it's actually a tiny version of the maxi pad. i hate it because it traps me. i hate it because it has no windows (but it IS across from the ladies washroom). i hate that it represents oppression and kills my spirit a little. i hate that it doesn't have a door so i can't keep people out when i need time alone or need to concentrate. but all in all it's 70-30. so that's why i know it's the right fit.
i whacked my elbow really hard at the Y tonight. it's still really sore.
everything looks perfect from far away.
2 comments:
a really interesting post, les. i've got a few responses...
men saying they don't feel needed is a bit silly, because they still need themselves. it's like women who don't have babies - perhaps they also feel unneeded? just because women can do everything on their own doesn't mean that they want to, and nothing stops people from asking: asking if someone needs help or asking if they need help themselves. and finally, for all the unneeded people out there, there is an entire generation (or two!) of older persons who can't reach, carry or shovel for themselves...
and my dad was around my whole life, and still he wouldn't come fix my toilet valve or whatever...i also have had to learn how to do these things myself :) i also lack the instinct to look for help outside myself. perhaps we feel like we need to prove we can do it alone? maybe we're proving it to ourselves?
and another thought, because apparently i'm overflowing today, i wonder if i would find teaching just a smidgen more easy if i had a cubicle or an office outside my classroom, so that no one else would mess around with my messy organization...?
i was actually referring to the guy-girl dynamic. the male ego is very sensitive and it's important for men to feel needed by the woman they love. apparently men's worst fear is failing in relationships - with their partners, their children, etc - so a lot of men simply stop trying so that they can't fail. if a guy senses he don't have to steer, he'll just take his hands off the steering wheel completely. which creates a very unbalanced world in which women are empowered but exhausted. every time i accept help from someone else i feel extremely humbled, but grateful. humility isn't so bad, it beats the alternative of feeling alone, isolated, and overwhelmed.
my dad stopped trying because he thought he failed. and by stopping he did fail - he failed me and my sister.
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