watermelon

i love him the same way i love my boots.
i didn't think it was possible to love someone the same way one loves inanimate objects. but it is.

i smell like cigarettes. it's been years since i've come home drenched in someone else's smoke.

it feels good to be something to somebody again, instead of being nobody's anything.

i should probably explain (because knowing pspd, messages will be misconstrued if it's not put in context) my very first boyfriend got back in touch with me this week via facebook. we broke-up 13 years ago. it had been a very tremulous relationship. a loving friend asked me the other day if it was wise to be talking with him, she said it takes time to earn back trust. i thought about that, and surprised myself by telling her that trust had nothing to do with it. right now i'm his go-to person. i don't need to trust him in order to be supportive and encouraging. i don't distrust him either. yup, i really don't think trust has anything to do with it. trust is an intimate emotion – it's something felt or not felt for people who are close to the heart. i don't need to trust him any more than i trust my mailman. it's all water under the bridge.

i was at the knicker's place for dinner tonight. at one point i was explaining why i gave up caffine, and said something about being a high-strung person. she said "you're not a high-strung person are you?" so i told her "when i'm around people who are more high-strung than i am, i take on a passive role" which is why she's never seen that side of me, because she's WAY more tightly wound then i am. i'm animated, i'm passionate, i get stressed out easily, but i'm not picky, particular, or controlling of others. it's very easy for me to be accommodating to other people's preferences, in fact, i quite enjoy it.

holding hope open for the one, making you wait.