i'm developing a bit of a pet-peeve. i feel uncomfortable when cashiers comment on my purchases. it doesn't happen everywhere, but it happens consistently at certain places (i.e. chapters and the church bookroom). i don't mind people talking to me, i'd just rather it was something like "how are you today?" or "isn't kingston beautiful in the spring time?" instead of them giving me their opinion of my selection. it feels weird, because if i DIDN'T think it was going to be good, i wouldn't be buying it, would i?
i have to tell you something so that i'm not misunderstood. being a 29-year-old woman, babies come into my realm of thought from time to time. this is normal. perhaps even healthy. but unfortunately, it means that it's sometimes very difficult for me to hear that others are having babies, especially people who are my age, or sometimes younger. obviously there are exceptions: friends who already have kids, friends who desperately want to have kids but are having difficulty. i can be joyful with them, and i'm joyful for the others once i get over the initial shock. it's tough because i'm not choosing to be celibate, it's been somewhat forced upon me by circumstances. so please understand when i start complaining about being surrounded by baby-factories, or say couples lose their coolness when they reproduce, that i'm not just simply a jerk. it's just buckets of salt in my wounds. it's incredibly alienating being surrounded by young moms. especially at ladies nights at next when the topic revolves around babies and child-birth. i don't want people to have to tip-toe around me or anything, i'd just like to be included and not excluded.
i should go.
don't you put me on the back burner.
6 comments:
Sweet Lesley...I could tell you my birth story and completely turn you off having babies...ever....!! But really, I think Mothers are Mothers, whether they give birth or not and if you have the desire in your heart to love someone that much, your turn will come around, likely much sooner than you think.
I don't like it when clerks INSIST on swiping your debit card themselves when, clearly, there is the option for you to swipe it yourself...grrr... But on the mother thing. I think mothering is among other things being kind, generous, honest, devoted and most of all knowing yourself. I see all those things in you. You are a mother even if you haven't pushed a baby out.
Ah Les, I don't know what to say, except that I'm sorry for all the times you've felt excluded and that I'm so glad you're part of my life - just as you are, exactly at this stage of your life.
Hi Lesley, Aprha sent me over to your blog today! Actually, I did read your blog a couple of years ago but I think you closed it. Anyways, I am a childhood friend of Shari and actually Al too...he grew up at my church! Plus, I know Aphra through Rustle and her blog! She told me you wrote something similar to my post so I thought I would check it out! And so it seems we share similar feelings about babies, etc. I totally can relate. When I was 35 I went through my first pang of my body wanting to have a baby...I went through a grieving period and was okay until now. I'm 41 and feel too old now to start a family. You can read my post for the rest of the details!!! I so appreciate your honesty! I feel I am rambling because I am tired and want to get this out to you! I could say more about this whole thing but will refrain! It's hard and I feel sad but know at my core, even though now I have a few doubts, that God is in control of my life and does know what He is doing. I have to trust that. Take care and have a good rest of the night! If you have any questions I'd be more than happy to chat with you:)
41 is not too late to start a family. i know a woman who's pregnant at 42.
i'll check out your entry. i hope that you feel at peace, and some comfort knowing you're not alone.
i do!!!:)
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