i've had a lot on my mind lately, but the question i have to ask myself is "how much do i share?". how much do i want to share? how much can i be bothered to share? also valid questions. well lets just start and see where we end up...
i was telling meghan in an email the other day that "sometimes isolation breed isolation" and since saying that to her i've really been conscious of it. its true. i wouldn't say i feel isolated or even alone, but i do feel ummmm disconnected. years ago when i lived a lone i felt as though i was disconnected from everyone and everything was just part of my life but my life itself was just me. i've kind of been feeling like that, but without even knowing it. until tonight. i sat in rhonda's new dining room giving her my opinions of how to arrange her furniture. i once again felt connected, maybe engaged is even a better word. i appreciated it because before going over to her place all i wanted to do was be alone, but after spending time with her i felt like i didn't want to shut myself in. although, i do need some time to rest and recoup. its been a very busy month and i'm starting to get burnt out again.
i've been very inward focused lately. not that i only care about myself, but again by living alone i got thinking i was the only person i had to consider or care about because no one is looking out for me except for me (i know, that's a lie, but i got sucked in). perhaps living alone can make a person selfish. regardless, i've been very introspective. evaluating myself on what needs to be thrown out and what needs to be nurtured.
you see i've been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down,
i've conquered hills but i still have mountains to climb.
and right now i'm doing the best i can.
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