i think i'm suffering a little from an identity crisis. who am i? where am i going? why don't i know? shouldn't i have things figured out by now? shouldn't it be obvious to me? i think of all the students i know, some recently graduated, some returning to school next fall and find myself feeling like an outsider looking in. i feel past my prime. i feel as though the mystery of "what life holds for me" has slipped through my fingers without giving me a glimpse. this is my life. it holds no secrets. there are no mysteries. i suppose i should relish the fact that i'm "established" but i don't. why did i for years long for stability only to reach that point and wish for something else? why do i sit here at 26 and wonder "what the hell did i do with my early 20s!?!" those years were a blur of fears and failures. i wish i'd been who i am now then. i wish i didn't feel like a foreigner with everyone other than other misfits.
argh, my bike has a flat tire!!! i'm soooo disapointed! i've had this bike for something like 17 years and NEVER had a flat. that's probably partly why, the tires are very old. regardless, it doesn't make any sense! how did i get a flat? i rode my tank of a bike just the other day! i don't even know where to take it to get it fixed. so disappointed :(
on a brighter note... alison came over to help me paint my studio this afternoon. we painted it "cotton candy pink" its very bright and cheery. i'm really pleased with it, and it didn't take very long either. i had a really nice time with her. alison is an amazing girl who inspires me. while she was here my mom stopped by to check out my place, she just got back from england yesterday. tim's mom went with her and they had a really great time. i'm really glad that my mom and my brother-in-law's mom are good friends, its really nice. anyway, she brought me some british chocolate. MMmmmm. after my mom left and we were finished painting we watched "the life of brian" (the condensed version).
my kind’s your kind
i’ll stay the same
4 comments:
I can relate to feeling stagnant, not knowing what is next. You have reached goals, life is relatively stable and you find yourself asking...
What is next? will it be like this for the rest of my life?
Maybe you could make some new goals for yourself? do you want to learn something new? Maybe the bigger question is...are you happy right now? and if not what do you need to do to change that?
that's a good idea. to set new goals.
yes, i would i'm happy. this is what i've been working toward. i'm just struggling with feeling sad. i guess it could be anti-climatic. maybe its that certain hopes have been dashed.
If you've had the same tires on that bike for 17 years, you were due for a flat. The rubber tube should be rotting away entirely. Don't get it fixed, replace the tubes. And after 17 years, you might even want to replace the tires themselves.
It's not that tough to change them. If you are at all mechanically inclined, you should be able to do it yourself. I wouldn't do it for you but if you feel you want to tackle it, I'd be happy to show you how if you want to work in my driveway.
Alternatively, if you've got the cash, any bike store will do it for you and it will save us both the hassle!
ya, you're probably right bob. its time to replace my tires. i'm going to look into having them replaced. thanks for offering your workspace, i'll keep that in mind. its probably a good skill to have.
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