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i'm procrastinating something awful. i don't know why. and i'm not even sure what i'm procrastinating. i feel like there's something i'm supposed to be doing but just don't feel like doing it. oh, it's probably cleaning my room. ya, i think that IS it. but i don't wanna. i'm feeling restless like i don't want to be doing anything that i'm doing, but can't decide what else to do. the problem is, i just feel like sitting around. and yet when i'm sitting around i feel like the house is "too quiet".

do you ever feel mad at someone and are all like "i don't want to speak to them, i'm glad we're not speaking" and yet still get your feelings hurt because they don't try? isn't that weird? that's what you wanted in the first place! life is weird. just as a disclaimer so none of you think i'm talking about you.... i'm not refering to anyone in particular, just reflecting.

i wish i didn't have the smallest blatter in the world.

i like thinking of myself as a "tough chick". do i seem tough? today i was carrying a big lounge chair (? is that what they're called or did i just make that up. its a chair. not like a kitchen chair, but like a really short sofa. hmmm...) from my car, into the backyard (the gate was particularly difficult to get through), onto the deck, then later up the stairs. there was this creepy old man on the sidewalk who kept pacing back and forth, looking in my general direction. i think he wanted to offer his assistance, but i'm no wuss and i don't need help. it annoyed me. so i delighted in managing myself. i'm a tough cookie, i don't need bogus chivalry, especially from a creepy dude.

our secret's safe and still well kept.