joyful

contrary to my usual preference, i woke-up this morning at 5:15 and was at the shore of lake ontario at 5:45 for an easter sunday event. as i walked up to shan and brendan i told them "i'm unusually chipper for this time in the morning", brendan said "we can see that". i think it was because i was wearing my hot-pink snowpants, that and the fact i was simply excited about easter.

we stood in a circle holding a jar containing a candle in one hand, and a piece of paper and a rock in the other. we faced the west and spoke the words of things that bind us. we turned and faced the east and spoke the words of things we want to embrace. we threw the rock into the lake, symbolizing getting rid of the things that weigh us down. this activity was based on an old practice done in the past by monks. it was beautiful. then we together we sang songs and watched the sun make it's appearance beyond wolfe island. it was remarkable. i stood there thinking "this happens EVERY morning. EVERY morning. and we miss it." that's a shame, because it's a frickin miracle.

i came home to get dressed properly (because i was wearing my pajamas under my snowpants), then walked over to next for a easter sunday breakfast. i was wide awake, and enjoyed the fresh air on my skin and in my lungs. i had a nice time visiting with people over breakfast, and enjoyed the service immensely. it almost makes me wonder if i should always get up early on sunday mornings so that i'm fully awake by 10 and can really connect with the people at church.

i met a girl in the service who i chatted with. i asked her questions. her answers prompted more questions, and so it went. i probably could have asked her questions about her life all morning. but she stopped me and said "ok, enough about me, what about you?" she shifted awkwardly in the pew. i tried to explain that i like people so that she'd feel less uncomfortable by my interest, she compared it to 20 questions. my mom is the same way as me, once many years ago she worked at the ministry office of the salvation army. at lunch she'd sit with her colleagues and ask them questions to start conversation. they seemed rather put off and uncomfortable. she hated that job. and her co-workers made her feel self-conscious about asking questions as though she was prying. she's gun-shy now, and it still comes up "the ladies at the salvation army....". i try to assure her that not everyone will be like the women at the sally-ann. i hope i don't get myself into trouble some day thru my method of conversation making. i like it when people ask me questions, my brain interprets that as "oh! this person is interested in me, they care about me, they want to hear about this thing that's important to me" and it feels nice. i would prefer to err on the side of too much interest than seeming uninterested. let the interogation of love continue!

it was chilly, so i wore my airwalk boots this morning. they're a little worse for wear these days. much to my disappoint, i think i'll have to replace them next winter :( oh well. it's ok, boots aren't made to last forever. i got 3 winters out of them.

when you're bathed in light
and when your body bursts wide open
do you start to cry?
not cause you die, but cause you die still hoping?