cerlox

tomorrow is caleb's third birthday. we all got together this evening to celebrate. it was a really fun time. strangely enough, i feel like caleb is only now recognizing me. i don't know what it was before, but it was as though he didn't know me or wasn't familiar with me, but he does now and we had loads of fun. he's also finally able to say my name, or at least close enough. i got to hold liam a lot tonight which was very enjoyable. joy was amazed at how comfortable he is with me (he usually cries when other people hold him or if joy's not in his line of vision), she kept saying "wow, liam really likes lesley". which makes me feel good :) i've really been enjoying my sister's kids lately. it's confirmed that i'd really like to have my own someday. not any day soon, but someday for sure.

joy and tim are buying a van and with that are mourning their youth. they got a nice van, but unfortunately no matter how great it is, it's still a van. and it's an automatic. they're disappointed to say good-bye to their crv. i remember back when they were in their early twenties and bought a deep-freeze. they felt so grown up and would rub it in my face that i wasn't a grown-up yet because i didn't own a deep-freeze. i still don't have one, but i wouldn't accept one for all the mini-vans in the world. life is peculiar the way we're always excited to grow up, and yet we dread growing older.

i read today that there are two different kinds of lies. 1) we lie to get what we want. 2) we lie to protect someone else from getting hurt. i lied to him for the very first time. it still kills me. i think my reason was a little of both, with a little bit of protecting myself thrown in there too. one thing i know for sure is that i never want to do it again. at least that means i learned something and probably won't make that mistake again.

there's a secret i've been keeping from you.
there's a secret i've been keeping for you.